


Latine Loqui Coactus Sum

by Aloysia_Virgata



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Fluff and Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-06
Updated: 2015-01-06
Packaged: 2018-03-06 10:07:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3130625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aloysia_Virgata/pseuds/Aloysia_Virgata
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mulder and Scully return to their therapist: follow up to Si Hoc Legere Potes, Liberaliter Educatus</p>
            </blockquote>





	Latine Loqui Coactus Sum

**Author's Note:**

> This is a follow-up to a silly thing I wrote in response to those viral vids they put out for IWTB. Zoe42 said she'd like to see a sequel and it sounded like a fun thing to do.
> 
> As ever, many thanks to Dasha and Scarlet for not calling the nice men with nets.
> 
> I neglected to explain the title of Si Hoc Legere Potes, Liberaliter Educatus - "If you can read this, you are very well educated" - in my other author's notes and got a bunch of queries about it. So, before I forget to include it, the title of this piece means "I have a compulsion to speak Latin." (Just teasing a little, Chris. You know I loves you.)

"All I'm saying is that Smurfette was the only female Smurf there and Baby Smurf had to come from somewhere. They called him _Papa_ Smurf, Scully. Now why do you suppose that is?"  
  
"Stop saying Smurf."  
  
He holds the door open and then walks in after me. I give the receptionist a tight smile as I push past the large vase of calla lilies and head for Allison's office. The door is open and we walk in, both of us looking around again at the tasteful artwork and listening to the soft burble of the stone fountain in the corner. It's been years, but old habits die hard and we still enter every unfamiliar space like we're casing the joint.  
  
Allison comes in behind us and takes a seat on her overstuffed armchair, her wicked red shoes vibrant against the white upholstery. "Good morning! How are we doing today?"  
  
"Just Smurfy," Mulder says, settling onto the couch.  
  
I pretend he has not spoken. "We're fine, thank you."  
  
"Good, good. Can I get you anything? Some water? Coffee?"  
  
We both decline as she flips through her notes. "So on Monday we started to discuss the professional bond you two shared, and how that came from a place of mutual trust and respect. I was really impressed by that and - as per our agreement - I talked it over with Deputy Director Skinner. He agreed that your partnership was nearly unique in many ways. My hope is that we can delve further into that today."  
  
I give her the same laminated smile I have given my mother over the years when she tried to get me to "talk."  
  
"That sounds nice," Mulder lies cheerfully. "I was profoundly moved by the depth of all that we uncovered last time, Allison. Really gave me some food for thought."  
  
She brightens, her dazzling smile a tribute to the artistry of a cosmetic dentist who probably owns a summer villa in Tuscany. "That's wonderful, Fox! So, let's start talking about the level of trust between you. It's clearly such a strong part of the foundation you have. Talk to me about how that kind of trust develops." Her Montblanc pen hovers over the thick cream paper like a dragonfly.  
  
Mulder crosses his legs and clasps his hand around the right knee. "Oh, gosh. I wouldn't know where to start. I have trusted Scully's instincts from day one. Her scientific approach to the investigative method was always deeply appreciated."  
  
I cough politely and Mulder grants me a beatific smile.  
  
"Something you'd like to add, Dana?" queries Allison. "Remember, this is a place for sharing."  
  
Mulder pats my leg. "Yes, Dana. Share."  
  
"I just had something caught in my throat," I say. What I do not say is that it was the big chunk of bullshit he expected me to swallow.  
  
"Perhaps you'd like to reconsider that beverage after all," Mulder suggests. I give him a warning look.  
  
Allison turns her attention to me. "And you, Dana? Has your trust towards Fox been there since the beginning?"  
  
I consider how best to word this. "I have always trusted that, in any given situation, Mulder would do his utmost to act in accordance with his beliefs and worldview."  
  
She nods, scribbling furiously. "Mmm-hmmm…so you see him as a man of principle then?"  
  
"Undeniably. In fact, I'd say Mulder's concern for the principle of a thing is one of his most notable characteristics."  
  
Next to me, Mulder smirks.  
  
Allison looks up. "Okay! Well, I'd like to talk about how that trust worked over the years. How did it affect your communication?"  
  
"Our communication transcended the spoken word," Mulder deadpans. "We eventually developed a series of secret handshakes."  
  
I pinch his arm discreetly. "What Mulder means is that, over time, we became highly attuned to the other's way of thinking and were able to anticipate things without necessarily discussing them first."  
  
"That's so wonderful," Allison chirps. "Truly. Many people go their whole lives without making that sort of connection with anyone, and from what you've told me here and from what I've gleaned from my conversations with Deputy Director Skinner, it sounds like you bonded almost instantly."  
  
"I think the nature of our jobs helped with that," I offer before she turns this into a Hallmark card. "When you're constantly in life-threatening situations, you have to develop that level of trust with someone for your own safety and survival."  
  
Allison nods sagely. "That's so true, Dana. Now what are some of the situations where you found yourself most reliant on your trust in Fox?"  
  
Shit. I set myself up nicely for *that,* didn't I?  
  
"Um... I'm not really sure what you mean," I stall.  
  
"I mean, what were some of the life-threatening situations where - had it not been for the trust between you - you might not have survived? I'd like to examine some of that professional history between you."  
  
I look at Allison carefully. She has no idea what she's asking. This is not her usual brand of couples' therapy. She's used to money squabbles and sexual tedium, not alien conspiracies and ice-pick lobotomies. I can't tell her about the time I shot a necrophiliac serial killer at point blank range. It would upset the highly polished superficiality of her world.  
  
Mulder senses my reservation. "It's been a long time, Allison. I'm sure it's difficult for Scully to recall specific incidents after so many years."  
  
I offer him the flicker of a smile while Allison jots things down.  
  
"I sense some reluctance on your part, Dana. And I see that Fox senses it as well and that he's protective of your privacy."  
  
"As he said, it's very difficult to recall after so long."  
  
"I'd like you to try. Last time you said…let me see. Ah! 'Knowing that if I was in trouble, the chances were he was doing everything in his power to come help me.' That says a great deal about how important that aspect of your relationship was to you, Dana."  
  
There's really nothing quite so bitter as the taste of one's own words, is there? I rub my thumb over my fingernails as I consider this. Hell, if Mulder can have fun with this, so can I.  
  
"Well, there's the time I shot him. I really trusted him to understand why I had to do that. For both our sakes."  
  
Allison blinks. "I'm sorry, what?"  
  
"Shot. Him. Just a flesh wound in the shoulder. He recovered quickly."  
  
Mulder looks delighted by this turn of events. "It still aches a little in the humidity, but what can you do? I trust her to shoot me when I need to be shot."  
  
Allison turns the page and continues writing.  
  
I tap my lip thoughtfully. "When I was stung by a bee carrying an unknown virus and was then abducted by men pretending to be paramedics, I trusted Mulder to find me and bring me home. He came all the way to Antarctica. That really touched me."  
  
Allison stares at us, her chocolate-colored eyes wide.  
  
"Ah, yes. The bee," Mulder muses. "That came as such a disappointment for so many reasons. And do you know I didn't see a single penguin the whole time we were in Antarctica? I was crushed."  
  
"I'm pretty sure that was their mating season," I tell him. "Perhaps they're clandestine."  
  
Mulder considers this. "I don't think they have to be clandestine. What are their natural predators on the ice? There aren't any polar bears down there, Scully. Did you know that the Antarctic takes its name from the Greek 'anti-arktos,' meaning 'no bears?' "  
  
"Yes, I did. Perhaps they were wary of seals. Or they're camera shy."  
  
"I didn't bring my camera. There wasn't a lot of time to pack, you know? You didn't really give me any advance warning, which is your usual MO when you go missing."  
  
I flick his leg. "You could have brought an extra gas can for the Sno-Cat."  
  
"I'll do better next time."  
  
"Uh, thank you," Allison says. I am impressed by her composure. She is made of sterner stuff than I reckoned.  
  
"Sorry," I say. "Where were we?"  
  
Her expression is somewhat dazed. "We were discussing your, um, trust in one another."  
  
"Yes," I say. "We're very trusting."  
  
She scans her notes quickly. "So, have there been times when you felt you _couldn't_ trust one another? I'd like to hear what that was like. Fox, why don't you start?"  
  
Mulder uncrosses his legs and sprawls back on the couch. "Well, right after my father was murdered, I had my suspicions that she'd been spying on me and suspected me of being the killer. That was stressful."  
  
"That's right around the time I shot him," I add. "It was a difficult period in our relationship."  
  
"I imagine so," says Allison. She looks flustered.  
  
"The whole Diana…thing." Mulder says. "That wasn't great."  
  
"No," I agree. "It wasn't. Honestly, Mulder. What were you even thinking with her?"  
  
He shrugs nonchalantly. "Hey, at least she wasn't some bucktoothed yokel from Pig Spit, Texas."  
  
I roll my eyes. "Really? You're still insisting he had big buck teeth? Grow up, Mulder. You were so jealous."  
  
He looks astounded. "Jealous? He was a vampire, Scully. A _hick_ vampire."  
  
"Whatever you say."  
  
Allison's Pantene-model hair is losing its bounce because she keeps running her fingers through it. She's definitely beginning to fray at the edges and is stealing incredulous glances as she writes  
  
"You got your little claws out when Phoebe came to town."  
  
"She was a sociopath!" I say indignantly. "For Christ's sake, Mulder, she pretended she'd put a bomb in the car. That isn't normal."  
  
"She may have had an excessively dark sense of humor," Mulder concedes.  
  
"Fox, Dana," Allison interrupts. "Let's try to stay on track for the moment. Have there been any other instances where you felt uneasy being forthcoming with the other? Times when you held back?"  
  
We ponder this for a moment. "I told him I'd never hit a baseball, but I was the captain of my high school's JV softball team in tenth grade," I say.  
  
Mulder stares at me, open-mouthed. "You lied to me?"  
  
I return his nonchalant shrug of earlier. "You knew the date of the apocalypse and didn't tell me. I'd say this is minor in comparison."  
  
He shakes his head. "Oh no you don't. This is not about me. You lied about _baseball_ , Scully. That violates a sacred trust."  
  
"I knew how to read box scores too," I inform him cruelly. "And that wasn't a Tofutti Rice Dreamsicle either. It was a Nestle King Cone."  
  
"I don't even know you," he says in a wounded tone. "I don't know what to believe anymore."  
  
I rub his shoulder. "You seemed so giddy about it, Mulder. You were so eager to teach me how to play, I didn't want to spoil it."  
  
"I was trying to get laid."  
  
"That explains why you had your crotch grinding into my-"  
  
Allison clears her throat and makes a show of looking at her watch. "That's all the time we have for today, I'm afraid."  
  
"What a shame," says Mulder as he gives me a cold look. "It was just getting interesting."  
  
"You can leave out that last part when you talk to Skinner," I suggest. "It's probably not all that important."  
  
"Right," says Allison, sounding distracted. "You know, I don't really know how much more there is to gain from future sessions. I'll talk it over with the Deputy Director and get his opinion." She gets to her feet and straightens her lovely gray suit as we stand up and shake her hand.  
  
We follow her out to the lobby and then take our leave of her office. Mulder crosses his arms and fixes me with a level stare. "Lucy," he says. "You have some 'splainin' to do."  
  
"Woman's prerogative," I tell him archly. "Besides, you have no complaints, as I recall."  
  
"If I'd known you were a sucker for jocks, I would have done that years before."  
  
I laugh and take his hand. "Come on, Mulder. I think we just scored ourselves a Get Out Of Jail Free card. I'd say that deserves a celebratory meal. What are you up for? We haven't been to CityZen in ages."  
  
He leans down so that his lips brush my ear. "How about a pickup game instead?"  
  
We walk out to the parking lot and I let him take me home.


End file.
